Banana man

One of you mentioned something I haven’t heard for a long time. You mentioned the idea of a banana to describe Singaporeans like me who in spite of looking outwardly ethnically Chinese, can’t really speak much Chinese. You know, the whole yellow outside, white inside thing.

I first heard it used rather derogatorily in Primary school by my primary school Chinese teacher on a whole bunch of us who could not speak or write Chinese well and honestly really didn’t care too much one way of another. Actually, if you think about it carefully, it really doesn’t work as an analogy. Of course I didn’t say that to the Hitler-like little man who taught me Chinese then. Of course, we weren’t white inside. Not even close. Communicating in English did not make us white. In fact, the English we use is not identical to that used in the US and UK. But that is how labelling works. Never mind if it really is not accurate.

I can’t speak for my friends who are in a similar position. But it is an odd situation I am in in relation to this. My parents were not proficient in Chinese. My father could converse in Hokkien, but he only did it with his friends. At home, he spoke English. My mother is the same. We were basically a Peranakan family. I can speak some basic Malay which I learnt from my grandmother. So having to do Chinese as my Mother tongue was always an anomaly for me. My mother tongue is not Chinese!!! I first learnt Chinese only when I got to Primary one. And it was a painful process which did not yield much outcome beyond the paper qualifications. I guess I have a good enough memory to be able to pass my Chinese exams with some effort. In fact, when I cleared my ‘AO’ Chinese in JC, my Chinese teacher commented that my prayers must have worked a miracle. Shamefully, my friends and I had a wonderful time in Chinese lessons in JC learning close to nothing.

This odd situation is actually more fundamental than language. It also goes down to the cultural referencing I have. I grew up not just speaking English, but watching mainly American TV programmes, reading very “English” books like those written by Enid Blyton and other popular writers of childrens books. I knew nothing of any Chinese stories or books beyond what was covered in school if I cared to listen. Even in sports, I spent most of my childhood idolising soccer players from the UK. I subscribed to UK pop magazines like Smash hits and No. 1, read soccer magazines like Shoot, read UK comics like Beano.

It was quite hard to grow up like that in Singapore. I have a very strong memory of me as a child absolutely dreading being asked to go to the stores to buy things as I couldn’t tell the shop keeper what I was supposed to buy in Chinese. One item I remember distinctly is being asked to buy “mee hoon” (flour) but ending up with “bee hoon”. And of cause, the shop keepers had a whale of a time teasing me.

Fortunately for me, during that era, Chinese learning was regarded to secondary to that of English. You did well in school if your English was good. So I managed fine with just doing the barest minimum in Chinese lessons.

In fact, when I studied in the UK, I actually felt very much at home, teaching Shakespeare to English students. Weird right? A chinese man from “a province of China” (according to a few ignorant English people) coming to England to teach the English English and Shakespeare at that! Weird! I knew more about English Literature than the English, I knew more about Manchester United than most in Manchester.

Well, I actually feel sad about all that today. I understand conversations in Chinese 70% of the time and can converse unconvincing most of the time. But my understanding of Chinese language and culture is really rudimentary. Very sad. Visiting China for me is really visiting a foreign land. During my numerous visits there, it was really an experience that I can only describe as alienation.

So I envy those of you who are effectively bilingual and bicultural.  You can effectively transit from one culture to the other, hopefully taking the best from both worlds. Don’t lose that part of you. Identity is a complex issue that I don’t have the energy to explore at length here. But in our globalised world today, having multiple cultural references an only be a good thing.

There are a lot of things I wish I could change in my life today. One of the things is I wish I had better learnt Chinese in terms of both language and culture.

Oh yes, all the best to those of you doing your CL exams tomorrow!!!